The Host
It’s almost funny how The Host fails to do anything right. Almost. Based off of a Stephanie Meyer novel (which in itself should be a bad omen), The Host is about… Well, it’s barely about anything because it seems to take pride in telling the most mundane story possible. The premise is that in a world where alien parasites have taken over the human population, the last group of free humans try to rebel against the new regime. On the surface, it sounds like an exciting adventure. Instead, it decides to spend the entirety of its miserable two hours developing a romance between a teenage girl, whose only concern seems to be about kissing boys, and a teenage boy who looks like he fell out of a Gap modeling agency. With lines like, “Kiss me like you want to get slapped” or “Don’t you want to be with Jared…and Jamie?” the screenplay feels like the writers have never had any social interactions in their lives. It’s a brazen money-grab riding on the coattails of the Twilight films, but so devoid of any substance that it’s an endurance test of agony.